DISCIPLINE: Tantrums are unacceptable! (#5 out of 8 great tips)

William and Patrick, eager helpers at five and eight, were working in the back yard with me. Our goal was to solve a drainage problem. God’s goal was different. Realizing that I needed to dig a shallow trench, I sent the two guys to get my “round-point” shovel. It took longer than I thought it should have. I waited. I waited impatiently. Then they came around the corner dragging my “square-point” shovel. In an instant, I lost my cool. “Don’t you know the difference between round and square?” I asked. My face was red, my veins bulging, my voice loud. They froze. I went on and on. I grabbed the shovel and took it back to the garage, seized the “round-point,” and returned to the yard. . . still fussing and fuming. The boys had turned to watch me go and kept their eyes on me, never uttering a word, as I returned.

That day, they learned the difference between round and square when referring to shovels. They also learned how to throw a temper tantrum. They also learned that working with dad was not fun.

The more I dug that trench, the more God’s Spirit spoke to me, revealing my own weakness. He showed me that digging a trench was not nearly as important as training my two sons. They were the greater project. I went to them and asked forgiveness. They forgave. Patrick and Will may have forgotten that day; I have not.

Tantrums are unacceptable, whether they are adult or childhood fits. Try these tips to help eliminate tantrums.

— Work on yourself first—eliminate your own tantrums.

— Show disapproval with your face—frown.

— Speak disapproval with your words—say, “NO! We do not act like this in our family.”

— Show disapproval with a gesture—Wag or point a finger, hold up your hand in a “halt” sign, clap your hands loudly. Get his attention, and direct his conduct to a better way.

— Speak disapproval with your tone—Let your vocal tone indicate your dislike of his behavior.

— Temporarily, don’t be nice—be firm and clear and determined.

Tips we’ve netted: Some people say to walk away and let the tantrum play out. That may work sometimes. We simply preferred to take action, to be in charge.

Quote: Proverbs 29: 11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. AND Prov. 22: 24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, 25 or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

DISCIPLINE: Practice obedience at home (#4 out of 8 great tips)

“Mexican food sounds great,” I said. So off to Sabor a Mexico we went for an enjoyable and filling meal. Our friends had two kids, 13 and 4. Both were active boys, energetic and full of life. As we entered, our friends asked for a booster seat for the 4 year old, a request that still puzzles me to this day. The little guy never used it. He sat in mom’s lap, then his dad’s lap, then under the table, then he was off to explore. He explored the other tables and the TV, popping back up at our table to interrupt conversation, grab a bite, and then take off again. Our friends attempted to correct him once, which he ignored. At that point they just kept their eye on him and enjoyed their meal. Several other people did not enjoy theirs, including me.

Another place that you can see similar scenes like this is at Wal-Mart. Muscular, 220 pound dads often chase little guys around saying, “Come back here. . .Don’t touch that. . . Put that back. . .”

These public displays are windows into what happens--or doesn’t happen--at home. Obedience and behavior are learned at home. Practice restaurant behavior at home. If your kids go out to eat and they run all over the restaurant and climb under the tables, you have some homework to do. Take them home. Set the table and act like you are at a restaurant. Use your own mealtimes to teach them how to act when you go out. Practice the right kind of behavior and enforce it. The next time you go out, if you don’t get what you practiced, pack up and go home immediately.

Home life itself will run much more smoothly if you plan a schedule and practice how things are done. A morning routine might look like this:

Wake up

Wash your face and get dressed

Make your bed

Read your Bible

Set the table

Ask if you can help with breakfast

Take a few minutes and jot down what you want your child’s morning to look like. Do the same thing with the first thirty minutes at home from school and then with bedtime. You will never regret taking the necessary time to train your children. Every situation demands appropriate responses and actions. Develop routines and procedures for the activities that you do often. It will reap great dividends.

Tips we’ve netted: When our children were small, Patricia would write a schedule for the day including story time, play time, outdoor time, swim time, clean up time, meals, snacks, naps, etc. She used pictures and symbols instead of words so that the kids could “read” it for themselves.

Quote: “Sow an act, and you reap a habit. Sow a habit, and you reap a character. Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.” Charles Reade