RELATIONSHIP: Glorious kids

Are kids cute?
Or are they glorious?
Puppies are cute, kittens are cute.
Children are glorious.
They are made in God’s image.

Last week, Patricia and I were in the dentist’s office. A mom was there with two small kids. Apparently, she did not know what to do with them, because she picked up a magazine and read, ignoring them. They explored the room, interrupting her reading occasionally. They were left alone even when with their mom.

No directions, no corrections.
On their own. All alone. Mom was “gone.”

I believe that the image of God should affect the way we raise our kids in two distinct ways.

First, it should influence our view of them, their value, and their worth. When you are with your children, BE WITH THEM. Read to them, talk with them, observe them.
It will affect how we treat them. Jesus said, “What you do to the least of these, you do it to Me.” “If you offend one of these little ones, it would be better to have a millstone tied around your neck and be thrown into the sea.” We are talking about their personhood, this connection to the eternal Person that gives them value. . . and merits our attention.
John Eldredge in his little book Epic says, “We have talked so much about original sin that we have left out the truth about ‘original glory.’” This is why the long “begat” passages in the Bible are there. They call us to remember that our original father Adam was a son of God. Jesus came to restore us to the Father as his sons.

Secondly, recognizing that our children are made in the image of God will cause us to raise them for a higher purpose. I think of the Jewish mother who was so proud of her twin boys; even as she pushed them around in their stroller, she would introduce them as the doctor and the lawyer. She caught a big vision for them early.
So must we. We must see our little ones coming into adulthood. As we raise them and protect their years of play and childhood exploration, we keep the end in mind. We watch for their gifting, their inclinations, their strengths, their weaknesses. As they enter the teen years, we guide them along the adventurous path of discovering life purpose. We intentionally connect them to other adults who can help guide them toward a whole and blessed lifestyle.
We enjoy their present looking toward their future. This is one of the most satisfying parts of parenting, this joint journey of discovering who this person is that you gave life to. It is also why discipline and training is so important; we move them along the track of God’s purpose.

Last week we learned this: we manage our homes with godly dignity because we are made in God’s image.
Today we see two things about our children:
We nurture the glorious image of God that lies hidden within them, and
We train them toward God’s purpose and glory (best defined by the likeness of Christ, entering into becoming his brother: Romans 8:28-29)

That “cute little thing” you are raising has glory in his DNA. That teen that is struggling to become his own person needs you to help him see the glory he is created for.

Glory in the beginning, glory in the future.
We are made by Him and for Him.

Have a glorious day!

RELATIONSHIP: We are raising children, not flowers!

I remember reading a story about a dad who had a green thumb; you know, one of those guys who can grow anything in his garden, making it beautiful. He took great pride in his gift and he should have. He also had a loving wife who appreciated his gift and a ten-year-old son who was . . . well . . . a ten-year-old son.

On this particular Saturday, the dad was passing on his gift to his son on how to care for the yard. We call it mowing the grass. For several Saturdays the son had ridden with the dad on the riding lawn mower as dad carefully allowed the young boy to steer the mower. But today, today was his solo run. Driving the mower solo for the first time was big for this ten-year-old because . . . well . . . he was ten years old. He had learned his lessons well. As dad supervised from the front porch, the young protégé made his dad proud: focused and attentive.

It was at that moment that mom stepped on the front porch to see how things were going and to ask if anyone needed refreshment. Dad bragged and the ten-year-old waved, proud as a peacock. That moment of distraction was unfortunate, for the inexperienced driver ran the mower right through the center of a previously gorgeous bed of spring flowers.

For a moment time stood still: the ten-year-old braked and looked up in horror; dad lost his color; and mom, the distraction, laughed. Then she leaned toward her husband’s ear and said, “Remember, dear, we are raising a child, not flowers.”

This mom got it right. The value of the child is far greater than the value of a bed of flowers, or the worth of a perfectly ordered room, or any other personal preference we might have.

Here’s what we must remember. God made people in His image. That includes us. That includes our children.

Let’s start with us. 1 Timothy 3: 4 “He (an overseer) must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity.” Those last three words (with all dignity) create a challenge for us. Learning to keep our dignity as we control our children calls us to the standard of being in God’s image, representing God the Father in what we do as parents. Controlling our reactions, choosing our words, governing our tone of voice: these things add up to communicate who we are, and who God is, to our children.

The clearest picture we have of what God the Father wants us to be like is Jesus. He is the “exact representation of the Father’s nature.” (Heb. 1:3) I encourage you to prayerfully read the book of Luke with the idea of seeing how Jesus “fathered” the disciples. He is the source of our dignity. Read the gospels as a parent who wants to “catch the spirit of Christ.”

Now let’s get to the kids. Jesus respected kids. He made room for them. He did not let them lead, but he did not push them aside. He did not let them direct his schedule, but he made them a part of his schedule. He gave them his attention in the same way that he gave adults his attention. He embraced them.

Remembering that our children are made in God’s image will help us to lead them with God in mind.

We’ll have to pick up on this next week.

Relationships: Valuing the individual

Patrick loved to scare the beejeevies out of the younger siblings. He would just hide around a corner, wait until they came unsuspectingly near, and then he would jump out yelling and screaming, arms waving, tongue flapping. If he could intensify the effect with a costume of some kind, he liked that even better. What fun! For Patrick. But we saw our little ones becoming scared in our own home. So I had to stop Patrick and explain to him that we wanted home to be a safe, secure place --for everyone--all the time. To his credit, he understood and still remembers that conversation.

We value one another for one foundational reason: We are each made in the image of God. Each of us, adult or child, is made in God’s image. This is why we value our children. This is why we value the unborn, the aged, and the infirm. This incredible value of being in the likeness of God should define our interactions with our children.

Following are some ways that we tried to reflect the value of the individual in our home.

We insisted on supporting one another in recitals, sports events, and programs. We would all go, watch, listen, and later discuss our favorite parts of each event.

Children have to be trained. When it comes to manners, good habits, and awareness of others, they just don’t come pre-programmed. Our human default system tends to be self-centered, not “other-centered.” We took time to explain how to treat adults, how to treat one another, how to get along, how to work things out (more on this next week).

The book of Proverbs became a key training manual for our family. We read ten verses together most nights before bedtime. We asked each person to pick the one they liked the best. Often we would find verses that spoke to events of that day. Then we could talk about them and apply them to our relationships. This helped us as parents just as much as it did the kids. The light would come on for Patricia and me as we would read with the children this wisdom from Proverbs. Here is an example:

He who isolates himself seeks his own desire. (Prov. 18:1)

A child left to himself is a shame to his mother. (Prov. 29:15)

So we insisted that the kids could not shut themselves in their rooms without a good reason. Home was a place to be open, not a place to hide.

We did not send them to their rooms for punishment. Since humans have a default system that is a self-centered perspective, anything that crossed their wills would probably be interpreted negatively. They needed a higher interpretation given by someone older and wiser--namely, their parents. Then we insisted on walking out the higher perspective.

Yes, we imposed our God-honoring values on our children.

To balance our intentional openness to one another, we tried to demonstrate a respect for privacy. We insisted that closed doors could only be opened from the inside after someone knocked. This applied to all of us on both sides of the door. (There were exceptions).

Each child had his day to lead us at the table. He/she would choose a scripture for us all to say or a song for us to sing, and then he/she would say the blessing over the meal.

Patricia would do something special with them on their birthdate each month.

We made a place for their friends in our home and in our activities.

We tried to find a way to celebrate their successes. (Ice cream was a key).

We listened. (Patricia is better at this than I am).

We helped with school work. (Still do).

We got them engaged in wholesome activities outside the home. (We arbitrarily chose eight years old as a time to begin this).

Here is the key: We realized that actions speak louder than words. We attempted to communicate to our children by our deeds as well as by our words that they were important. Words without deeds are flattering but deceptive. Actions tell the truth.

Are your children valuable? Act on it.