I Can MakeThe Rules For My Toothbrush

On November 11, 1995, as we were completing the bedtime ritual, three year old Jean-Luc was putting his toothbrush away in the wrong place. When I (Trish) said something to him about it, he said, “It’s my toothbrush, and I can make the rules for it.” 

What a thing in him--desiring to rule and be in control. 

“Well,” I thought, “he needs to rule something.  I guess his toothbrush is a good place to start.”

It is fascinating to watch a child’s personality develop.  Although Jean-Luc was the fifth child, he intrigued us because he acted as a typical first-born--always wanting to be in charge, always wanting to be the leader.

Jean-Luc was expressing a God-given mandate (Gen. 1:28) that he clearly felt at three years of age. Looking back at this from a parenting viewpoint, we see that learning to govern is an important concept to begin teaching our children even at a young age.

The first steps of governing for a child are accepting responsibility for his actions and for his things.  He learns that doing good things brings good consequences and doing bad things brings bad consequences. He learns that caring for or neglecting your things also has consequences.

The next step of governing is self-governing--when he begins to rule himself to choose right over wrong and good over evil. As he develops discernment, he begins to choose the good over the mediocre, and eventually the best over the good.  

The highest form of self-government is a willing submission to the will of Father God.  Jesus stated that he only did what the Father was doing and said what the Father was saying; and all of this he did in the same manner as the Father (John 5:19, 12:49). This is the ongoing process of child training: helping our children to see the Lord and respond to His Spirit and His word willingly.

Now, back to the toothbrush. The sphere that children can govern while they are young and growing is their possessions--taking care of their things.  It may begin with a toothbrush, but it grows to include a bed, a book, a toy, a room, a pet, a company, a house. Each of these things requires training from Mom or Dad. It will take time. It will take effort. They won’t always succeed. No one does.

Nevertheless, clear and consistent training while they are young will bring good habits as children get older.  A procedure for each task will have to be done over and over again with your children.  You are teaching them to “rule over” their things. 

Jesus said learning to be faithful over a few things will bring rulership over much (Luke 16:10). Through this training process you are preparing them for life, and you are preparing them for increase. 

LONG-RANGE VISION: Short-term actions

"I will make you into a great nation”

"Look up at the heavens and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."

“You . . .will greatly increase your numbers."

“You will be the father of many nations.”

“I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you.”

These words that God spoke to Abraham are quite astounding! He was revealing to Abraham the impact of his fatherhood, its sway over generations yet unborn, his lasting influence that would be passed down from one generation to the next. And the Bible says this, “Abraham believed God. . .”

God wants all of us to see past our own moment in time and to see the legacy that we leave in our children for generations to come. Abraham caught that glimpse, saw himself as a father, received his responsibilities, and walked them out.

Seeing long-range is vital to being a parent.

When a father loses the long-range vision, he begins to live selfishly, worshipping his own leisure or maybe losing himself in his work. When a mother loses the long-range vision, she begins to want time for herself, and becomes resentful at the demands placed upon her by the children. She begins to live for the moments she can “get away.” Jesus suffered for the joy set before Him. We all are called to live for the moments yet to come.

Our greatest effect on the future will be through our children!

Abraham took this grand vision that Father God showed him and walked it out specifically. Listen to this next verse by reading it out loud to yourself:

Gen. 18:19 For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him."

The grand vision that God had promised to Abraham about his descendants being as the stars of heaven, becoming a great nation, and holding to an everlasting covenant depended on Abraham doing his part. And this is true for us.

1) We must direct our children. Engaged, involved parents direct their children. They are in charge for a larger purpose. Only the parents can see it. The children cannot catch the vision until much later.

2) The focus of our direction is the way of the Lord. Children learn faith and they will practice that faith as they see their parents intentionally walk out their own discipleship to Jesus. The “way of the Lord” concerns the heart of God more than the rules of God. As parents, we ask God to give us his heart toward our children, knowing this: God’s kind of love fulfills the law.

3) We teach right and wrong by our example and we enforce it justly. Parents and children are to live by God’s ways, not just the kids. We are all accountable. The children are accountable to us, but we are accountable to God. Doing what is right and just becomes our family practice.

Faithfulness in these simple things will open the door for God to bring about what He has promised.

Father, grant us the vision to see the generations yet to come.

Cause us to be faithful in our generation

so that we may pass on to our children

your eternal covenant.

COMMUNICATION: Special events

In the C.S. Lewis story The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Father Christmas shows up and gives some unexpected gifts to the four children. With each gift, he explains its purpose and use so that each hero will be prepared for what is coming. Then he concludes by saying,

“These are not toys; they are tools.”

In our day, we are guilty of doing the opposite. We give our children gifts with this hidden message, “These are not tools; they are toys. Have fun!” Consequently, we are not preparing them for what is to come. We put today’s happiness above their future survival, their effectiveness, and their purpose.

We are raising kids who do not know who they are, why they are here, or where they belong. When I was growing up, we called people like that “lost” and spent time and energy trying to get them “found.” The church today has its greatest harvest field of “lost” people right in our own homes.

Over the next few weeks, I want to encourage you to see that special events are opportunities to give our children tools that communicate identity, community, and purpose.

In the future, when your son asks you, "What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?" tell him: We were slaves in the land of Egypt and the Lord our God brought us out with a mighty hand. (Deut. 6: 20)
Paraphrased: When your children ask you, “Why do we have these special events each year?” tell them what you know about it and include God in your explanation.

Maybe they will ask “Why do we celebrate birthdays? anniversaries? graduations?"Tell them why these things are significant for you.

One of your greatest responsibilities as a parent
is to interpret life for your children.

Your interpretation of how God has worked in your life can be put together with a special event. Special times are important because they carry emotional weight. This emotional weight marks events and conversations with significance and makes them memorable.

Today, let’s just focus on a birthday as a special event, close and personal to a child. The next time a family member has a birthday, have a time that is just for family. Include a time to eat a special meal, share special memories, give family gifts, and end with a time of prayer for the birthday person. This does not have to be elaborate, nor overly serious, but it does need to be done.

In doing this, you communicate belonging, identity, and purpose.