ALLOW YOUR KIDS TO STRUGGLE

   

     Monday we attended the climbing of Herndon. Herndon is a 26 foot monument located in front of the chapel at the Naval Academy. It is the final rite of passage for the plebe (freshman) year at the academy. At 1:30 Monday afternoon over 1000 plebes raced to the base of Herndon, yelling and screaming. They were confident, they were ready, they were a little naïve.

     You see, they had practiced climbing Herndon the week before and it took about twenty minutes. This time it would take two hours and forty-one minutes. The difference was one simple ingredient: over 200 pounds of lard. The challenge in climbing Herndon is that it is covered in Crisco, baby, Crisco! The second class (juniors) cover the monument completely with the white grease. Twenty-six feet tall and slick as ice.

     Using their shirts to wipe off the grease, they then begin to build human pyramids around it. At each new level, more grease had to be wiped. Time after time they mounted and fell. Someone on the bottom would give out with the increasing weight. Twenty foot tumbles landing on the upraised hands of their classmates below. Exciting and dangerous!

     A small group of bleachers were set up for a special group of former USNA graduates, class of 1964, their fifty-year sponsors. Parents and friends brought lawn chairs, blankets, binoculars, and more to watch the event. A great cloud of witnesses cheering on the class of 2014.

     After the first hour the adrenaline wore off and the exciting adventure became a toilsome task. I wondered if they could do it. A former Navy man standing next to me must have read my thoughts. He said with confidence, “They’ll do it.”

     He was right. They had faced daunting tasks before that seemed impossible to overcome, but they had been trained to persevere, to continue, never to quit. They did not. In the third hour, numerous close attempts ended in failure. Finally, one tall, skinny plebe climbed the pyramid, stepped on the heads of two others near the top and dislodged the sailors cap on the top of Herndon, replacing it with a midshipman’s cover.

 

     Then the shout went up, from the plebes, from the parents, from the 1964 graduates. Victory had been achieved, difficulty overcome. They had climbed Herndon; it was done; they were plebes no more. As we walked away, I stopped and looked at the monument Herndon. It was still there, unmoved, waiting for the next group of plebes to meet its challenge and win the day.

     There was risk. There were injuries. Not a single parent crossed the line to help. It was their day alone--the class of 2014.

     Your children also face challenges that require perseverance to overcome. Encourage them, root for them, and let them face the monumental tasks they must face on their own. They can face the challenge, they can persevere in the struggle, they can achieve the victory. They learn to talk, to walk, to read, and to do innumerable things because of your encouragement. They are fearfully and wonderfully made. They are made in God’s image. Trust Him to help them. Be there for them with this message: YOU CAN DO IT!

A Wedding, A Family, A Song

    This past weekend we were in San Antonio, Texas, for William’s wedding to Maria Jose Fernandez. Two young lovers, two families, two cultures--too wonderful. As you would expect, everything was beautiful. Maria was stunning, Will was handsome, the parents were proud, the crowd was joyful, the weather was perfect, the Lord was smiling.

    According to their custom, we gathered at the Fernandez house the next day after the wedding. This was a family gathering. The bride and groom were present in the gathering along with extended family. Of course, conversations were about the wedding but also about getting acquainted with one another. Tulancingo, Mexico meets French-Canadian, Arab, Californian, Scotch-Irish, Southern Americans.

    Maria’s parents Jaime and Laura were gracious hosts, attending to everyone from both families. After many of the guests left, only a few remained and we sat around in a relaxed circle, contented and tired. Maria’s grandfather Adolfo Martinez took the guitar and began to strum and sing several Mexican songs. All sat and listened, some sang along, all enjoyed.

    As he began one certain song, Jaime translated for me, explaining that Adolfo had composed this song for the family. It was a song that carried the family story and praised the values that were at the core of who they were. The song ended with words to the next generation about staying the course, working hard, being honest, honoring what is honorable, and finding your place in life and society. The patriarch had infused the moment with meaning and substance. Music, story, and purpose were all wrapped up in one meaningful moment.

    It was the kind of moment that earth overlooks while heaven applauds. Quiet, unassuming, yet penetrating and powerful within the family. My hat is off to Adolfo Martinez. He hit the target.

    Perhaps you remember a simple way that your family passes on heritage, culture, and values. Please feel free to share a comment; we would all benefit.

Thoughts on Memorial Day

Do you have a Memorial Day tradition? Should you? What is it all about?

We are not just launching summer fun; we are celebrating something deep and foundational. We are being asked to have a moment of silence at 3:00 p.m. on Memorial Day to remember those who have given their lives to protect our freedoms.

Silence is not enough. Our children cannot benefit from our silence. When you gather to eat, perhaps your celebration could include these short ideas as part of the blessing of the meal. Here are some thoughts that include the history of Memorial Day as well as the Gettysburg Address (only 276 words). We believe that our gatherings can be enriched by our efforts.

MEMORIAL DAY
The roots of Memorial Day go back to the Civil War. Over 600,000 soldiers died in that conflict affecting every town, village, and family in the United States. After the war ended, almost everyone would travel and decorate the graves of those who had given their lives. “Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on 5 May 1868 by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic and was first observed on 30 May 1868.” (http://www.usmemorialday.org/backgrnd.html)

To date, including all the wars our country has fought, over 1.2 million Americans have died in defense of the freedoms that we enjoy.

The Gettysburg Address delivered by Abraham Lincoln in 1863 was to commemorate those who died on that particular battlefield. Although it was written a few years before Memorial Day was established, it expresses best what Memorial Day represents.

THE
GETTYSBURG
ADDRESS

Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth
 on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and
 dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

  Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing
 whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so
 dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-
field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of
 that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave
 their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether
 fitting and proper that we should do this.

  But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate…we cannot
 consecrate…we cannot hallow…this ground. The brave men,
 living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it
 far above our poor power to add or detract. The world
 will little note nor long remember what we say here, but
 it can never forget what they did here.

 

It is for us, the  living, rather, 

to be dedicated here to the unfinished
 work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly
 advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the
 great task remaining before us…that from these honored
 dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which
 they gave the last full measure of devotion; that we here
 highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain;
 that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of
 freedom; and that government of the people, by the people,
 for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

November 19, 1863

RELATIONSHIP: Our First Wedding

Patrick, our oldest son, married Melody Strom this past Sunday afternoon. I was struck with the richness of the event. Of course, the food was good, the ceremony was heart-tugging, the reception celebratory, full of laughter and dancing hearts. Melody was beautiful, and Patrick was a bucket of tears, as was most of his immediate family. If the Curries have a family trait, it is probably that we blubber all over ourselves in our happiest moments. What a way to show happiness!
Every wedding has its own endearing surprises. For almost everyone, this particular wedding’s memories will include the challenge of finding the way to the Marquardt Ranch. Some said the directions were erroneous, others incomplete, and then others simply had trouble knowing left and right. Yet the wedding itself did not take a wrong turn. The scenic ride to the Marquardt Ranch was filled with crossing streams of running water, discovering fields of Texas Bluebonnets, and even spotting deer and turkey along the way. Split rail fences, stone fences, and fences made of mesquite posts stacked side-by-side.
The ranch itself was a beautiful stone structure atop a shady hill, surrounded by pastures and fields. The bride and groom exchanged their vows overlooking a beautiful flowing stream bordered on the opposite bank by yellow wildflowers. Although the day was overcast and threatened rain, the spirits of the guests were not dampened in the least. A middle eastern tune played by the DJ called forth the Arab Debka dance , Patrick riding on the shoulders of his brother Will and Greg Marconi. Soon Texas seemed to be a middle-eastern melting pot, Greek music playing, Patricia and the Jajeh family leading the Debka according to their Palestinian heritage, and several people joining in because they thought it was a Jewish dance. Such is the beauty of cultures and families coming together in a wedding.
I was struck by how rich we are in friends and people. The Strom family was gracious and worthy of the occasion. Randy and Jody, Melody’s parents, were the reception hosts, generously sharing their joy with everyone. Several of the local San Antonio church community gave of themselves to decorate, bake and clean up at the end. The out of town visitors from both families added so much with their presence and sacrifice. Nebraska, Ohio, Colorado, California, Alabama, Tennessee, and Texas all celebrated together. Farmers, doctors, lawyers, geeks, educators, all entered into unity to savor the moment, to share the joy of the day.
I withdrew for a few moments and walked outside to the edge of the little cliff overlooking the winding Joshua River. I simply gave thanks. For the marriage. For marriage as God’s idea. For family. For community that thrives and rejoices when marriage is honored and upheld as a gift from God to us. For the depth of a God-honoring community that spans miles and states and continents. For the contribution that each new person brings to our lives and to the lives of our children.
Once again the hope of God rose up in me. The next generation will be blessed.In the midst of frustrations, struggles, and pain, there is still joy in the journey. The cause of Christ will continue to spread and grow throughout the earth and throughout time. And our greatest riches are in the people that God has joined with us.
O Lord, I have learned
To compose my soul in quietness
Like a child content in mommy’s lap
I don’t ask you for a thing.
O people, let us learn
That our hope is in the Highest;
From now until forever,
It is He who makes us sing.

COMMUNICATION: Special events

In the C.S. Lewis story The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Father Christmas shows up and gives some unexpected gifts to the four children. With each gift, he explains its purpose and use so that each hero will be prepared for what is coming. Then he concludes by saying,

“These are not toys; they are tools.”

In our day, we are guilty of doing the opposite. We give our children gifts with this hidden message, “These are not tools; they are toys. Have fun!” Consequently, we are not preparing them for what is to come. We put today’s happiness above their future survival, their effectiveness, and their purpose.

We are raising kids who do not know who they are, why they are here, or where they belong. When I was growing up, we called people like that “lost” and spent time and energy trying to get them “found.” The church today has its greatest harvest field of “lost” people right in our own homes.

Over the next few weeks, I want to encourage you to see that special events are opportunities to give our children tools that communicate identity, community, and purpose.

In the future, when your son asks you, "What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?" tell him: We were slaves in the land of Egypt and the Lord our God brought us out with a mighty hand. (Deut. 6: 20)
Paraphrased: When your children ask you, “Why do we have these special events each year?” tell them what you know about it and include God in your explanation.

Maybe they will ask “Why do we celebrate birthdays? anniversaries? graduations?"Tell them why these things are significant for you.

One of your greatest responsibilities as a parent
is to interpret life for your children.

Your interpretation of how God has worked in your life can be put together with a special event. Special times are important because they carry emotional weight. This emotional weight marks events and conversations with significance and makes them memorable.

Today, let’s just focus on a birthday as a special event, close and personal to a child. The next time a family member has a birthday, have a time that is just for family. Include a time to eat a special meal, share special memories, give family gifts, and end with a time of prayer for the birthday person. This does not have to be elaborate, nor overly serious, but it does need to be done.

In doing this, you communicate belonging, identity, and purpose.