William and Patrick, eager helpers at five and eight, were working in the back yard with me. Our goal was to solve a drainage problem. God’s goal was different. Realizing that I needed to dig a shallow trench, I sent the two guys to get my “round-point” shovel. It took longer than I thought it should have. I waited. I waited impatiently. Then they came around the corner dragging my “square-point” shovel. In an instant, I lost my cool. “Don’t you know the difference between round and square?” I asked. My face was red, my veins bulging, my voice loud. They froze. I went on and on. I grabbed the shovel and took it back to the garage, seized the “round-point,” and returned to the yard. . . still fussing and fuming. The boys had turned to watch me go and kept their eyes on me, never uttering a word, as I returned.
That day, they learned the difference between round and square when referring to shovels. They also learned how to throw a temper tantrum. They also learned that working with dad was not fun.
The more I dug that trench, the more God’s Spirit spoke to me, revealing my own weakness. He showed me that digging a trench was not nearly as important as training my two sons. They were the greater project. I went to them and asked forgiveness. They forgave. Patrick and Will may have forgotten that day; I have not.
Tantrums are unacceptable, whether they are adult or childhood fits. Try these tips to help eliminate tantrums.
— Work on yourself first—eliminate your own tantrums.
— Show disapproval with your face—frown.
— Speak disapproval with your words—say, “NO! We do not act like this in our family.”
— Show disapproval with a gesture—Wag or point a finger, hold up your hand in a “halt” sign, clap your hands loudly. Get his attention, and direct his conduct to a better way.
— Speak disapproval with your tone—Let your vocal tone indicate your dislike of his behavior.
— Temporarily, don’t be nice—be firm and clear and determined.
Tips we’ve netted: Some people say to walk away and let the tantrum play out. That may work sometimes. We simply preferred to take action, to be in charge.
Quote: Proverbs 29: 11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. AND Prov. 22: 24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, 25 or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
1 comment:
Nice twist! We've seen our kids modeling our bad behavior. It's a dead give-a-way when they use the same words, tones, and huffs we do. I appreciate the part on apology. Even our bad behavior can be an opportunity to model humbling yourself and reconciling the situation. How wonderful for a kid to learn reconciliation in practice rather than simply as a concept...
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