DISCIPLINE: Fill Your Toolbox

    I had taken a year off from teaching, relocated to Mobile, Alabama, and tried my hand at selling insurance. Throughout that year, the realization grew in my own heart and mind that I needed to be in the classroom teaching. On the Sunday evening before school started, I received a phone call hiring me to teach an inner-city classroom, middle school, 100% Afro-American. I was about to cross three cultural barriers—with a briefcase full of ignorance. I found out on the first day. The next six months were warlike: me against them. They resisted; I punished. I was losing; so were they. Lose/lose situation.  Many times I would drive home in the afternoon, tears running down my face, pouring my heart out to God.

    One particular day, a seventh grader Yvonne was being particularly disrespectful. Seeing red, I walked to her desk, knelt down and stuck my finger in her face, saying, “If you ever do that again, I will . . .” I stopped, not knowing what to say next. I never finished that sentence, got up and walked away. She laughed.

    Then I attended a workshop on discipline that gave me another tool. This question was asked: Why should they obey? What benefit do the students get in your classroom? I changed. I gave them a promise of reward. If any individual obeyed me five days in a row, he would earn one day off. On that day off, he could choose to go to PE or to the library. His choice. The difference in my classroom was miraculous. We began to like each other, most of my students and I. On my next evaluation, my supervisor asked, “What did you do to get your classroom so disciplined?”

    “Disciplined?” Did she say “disciplined?” I began to realize that discipline was more than punishment. Since that time, I have come to see that discipline is more like discipling or training. Punishment is only one tool of the training process. Yes, it is an important tool, but only one tool. A reward can also be a tool.

    A good parent has a toolbox with many tools much like a good carpenter. Can you imagine a carpenter with only a hammer? His partner asks, “How long is that board?” Since he has no tape measure, the hammer-only carpenter lays his hammer down end-over-end eleven times. “Eleven hammers long,” he answers. Imagine that: using a hammer to measure! I would not hire that crazy carpenter to build my house.

    Sometimes as parents, we get in a rut by using only one tool—whether it is the right tool or not. We spank them, or we ground them, or we take things away, or we send them to their room, or we verbally rebuke them. Any of these things can have a rightful place but using only one tool is CRAZY. We have to fill our toolboxes with several different tools to be effective family-builders.

Choosing the right tool for the right situation is an important part of being a wise parent.

REWARDS: PART OF THE OBEDIENCE PLAN

Danny was only two, but he was learning to obey. Obedience does not come easily for some two-year-olds. But this time he succeeded and the whole family was there. Keith swept him into his arms and began marching around the living room, singing, “Let’s have a parade, for Danny obeyed.” Soon everyone was in on it. And Dan got a good taste of the joy of obedience.

Deuteronomy 28

Creation principles are principles that God has built into life.

The thoughts in Deuteronomy 28 reflect one of the basic principles:

Obedience brings blessings.

Disobedience brings trouble.

When we help our children to understand this concept, we are preparing them for life. All choices have consequences. Some are great! Some are okay. Some bring trouble.

This principle also becomes our guide as we teach, train, and discipline. Making the right choices will bring blessing. When children are young, they will make right choices [doing what you say] because they want the blessing of your approval. Ultimately, we want to move them to the place that they will be making right choices out of their love for God.

How do we teach obedience?

Isaiah 28:9 “…For it is: Do and do, do and do; rule on rule, rule on rule; a little here, a little there.”

First of all, it is an over and over again process. It is a process requiring patience and practice. In non-crisis times, children need to know what pleases the Father [obedience—demonstrated by the life of Jesus]. Most children want to please. Learning obedience to parents will ultimately lead to obedience to the Lord.

In God’s mercy, He teaches us the truth of obedience that we may choose life.

Psalm 25:8 “Good and upright is the Lord; therefore, He instructs sinners (us) in the way.”

Understanding the Lord’s kindness to us helps us to instruct in gentleness…we are aware of our own weaknesses.

What are some blessings that fit into the “flow of life”?

· Reward their obedience with lots of joy and affection. Father is pleased when we do what is right? Have you ever felt his pleasure?

· Reward your children by spending time with them.

· Reward them with positive, encouraging, affirming words.

· Reward them with gifts.

· Do some special things for them.

This week take some time to write down some specific things you can do to bless your children in each of the above areas. Fifteen minutes will make a huge difference and help fill your toolbox with some motivational helps.