REWARDS: PART OF THE OBEDIENCE PLAN

Danny was only two, but he was learning to obey. Obedience does not come easily for some two-year-olds. But this time he succeeded and the whole family was there. Keith swept him into his arms and began marching around the living room, singing, “Let’s have a parade, for Danny obeyed.” Soon everyone was in on it. And Dan got a good taste of the joy of obedience.

Deuteronomy 28

Creation principles are principles that God has built into life.

The thoughts in Deuteronomy 28 reflect one of the basic principles:

Obedience brings blessings.

Disobedience brings trouble.

When we help our children to understand this concept, we are preparing them for life. All choices have consequences. Some are great! Some are okay. Some bring trouble.

This principle also becomes our guide as we teach, train, and discipline. Making the right choices will bring blessing. When children are young, they will make right choices [doing what you say] because they want the blessing of your approval. Ultimately, we want to move them to the place that they will be making right choices out of their love for God.

How do we teach obedience?

Isaiah 28:9 “…For it is: Do and do, do and do; rule on rule, rule on rule; a little here, a little there.”

First of all, it is an over and over again process. It is a process requiring patience and practice. In non-crisis times, children need to know what pleases the Father [obedience—demonstrated by the life of Jesus]. Most children want to please. Learning obedience to parents will ultimately lead to obedience to the Lord.

In God’s mercy, He teaches us the truth of obedience that we may choose life.

Psalm 25:8 “Good and upright is the Lord; therefore, He instructs sinners (us) in the way.”

Understanding the Lord’s kindness to us helps us to instruct in gentleness…we are aware of our own weaknesses.

What are some blessings that fit into the “flow of life”?

· Reward their obedience with lots of joy and affection. Father is pleased when we do what is right? Have you ever felt his pleasure?

· Reward your children by spending time with them.

· Reward them with positive, encouraging, affirming words.

· Reward them with gifts.

· Do some special things for them.

This week take some time to write down some specific things you can do to bless your children in each of the above areas. Fifteen minutes will make a huge difference and help fill your toolbox with some motivational helps.

DISCIPLINE: Practice obedience at home (#4 out of 8 great tips)

“Mexican food sounds great,” I said. So off to Sabor a Mexico we went for an enjoyable and filling meal. Our friends had two kids, 13 and 4. Both were active boys, energetic and full of life. As we entered, our friends asked for a booster seat for the 4 year old, a request that still puzzles me to this day. The little guy never used it. He sat in mom’s lap, then his dad’s lap, then under the table, then he was off to explore. He explored the other tables and the TV, popping back up at our table to interrupt conversation, grab a bite, and then take off again. Our friends attempted to correct him once, which he ignored. At that point they just kept their eye on him and enjoyed their meal. Several other people did not enjoy theirs, including me.

Another place that you can see similar scenes like this is at Wal-Mart. Muscular, 220 pound dads often chase little guys around saying, “Come back here. . .Don’t touch that. . . Put that back. . .”

These public displays are windows into what happens--or doesn’t happen--at home. Obedience and behavior are learned at home. Practice restaurant behavior at home. If your kids go out to eat and they run all over the restaurant and climb under the tables, you have some homework to do. Take them home. Set the table and act like you are at a restaurant. Use your own mealtimes to teach them how to act when you go out. Practice the right kind of behavior and enforce it. The next time you go out, if you don’t get what you practiced, pack up and go home immediately.

Home life itself will run much more smoothly if you plan a schedule and practice how things are done. A morning routine might look like this:

Wake up

Wash your face and get dressed

Make your bed

Read your Bible

Set the table

Ask if you can help with breakfast

Take a few minutes and jot down what you want your child’s morning to look like. Do the same thing with the first thirty minutes at home from school and then with bedtime. You will never regret taking the necessary time to train your children. Every situation demands appropriate responses and actions. Develop routines and procedures for the activities that you do often. It will reap great dividends.

Tips we’ve netted: When our children were small, Patricia would write a schedule for the day including story time, play time, outdoor time, swim time, clean up time, meals, snacks, naps, etc. She used pictures and symbols instead of words so that the kids could “read” it for themselves.

Quote: “Sow an act, and you reap a habit. Sow a habit, and you reap a character. Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.” Charles Reade

DISCIPLINE: Tell them once (#3 out of 8 great tips)

“How many times do I have to tell you not to run through the house?” I asked.

“Sixty-seven,” came the reply as she scurried down the hall and into her room.

I felt relieved. Only sixty-seven more times and then she would obey. I made up my mind right then to sit down with her that very evening and tell her “Do not run through the house!” sixty-seven times. Wow! Tomorrow would be a good day. . . no more running in the house. The magic number would have been reached, and peace would reign in our home. No more running, no more screaming after the little speedster, no more calling back over her shoulder—just sixty-seven more times.

I hope you are amused; but seriously, throw out the “how many times. . .?” question. Train your children, don’t talk them to death. Many parents use words and then more words and then louder words and then harsher words until our words are either meaningless or abusive.

TELL THEM ONCE. Then be ready to back up your words with action. Your actions give meaning to your words. Ecclesiastes 8: 11 states, “When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, the hearts of the people are filled with schemes to do wrong.” To state this positively: Quick actions by parents build a right response in a child. Failure to act multiplies wrong responses.

Here is how “telling them once” should look. You either call him to you, or you go to him. Get close. This gets his attention with his eyes, ears, and body focused on you. Keep your instruction short and clear. (Remember tip #2, Don’t say, “OK?”). Ask him to repeat what you told him, then check up on him to make sure it is done. This is training, not telling. Be ready with an appropriate action. If he obeyed, acknowledge it. “Great job.” Give a hug. Reward him. Do something positive. If he did not obey, point it out. Show your disapproval with your face. Then do something. Choose an appropriate consequence and follow through. Make sure he gets this message: Mom’s words matter.

Train yourself first! If you train yourself to do these things, you will be training your children to live with character.

Tips we’ve netted: Age-old wisdom says “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” This means that positive rewards are more effective than negative consequences. David Walsh gives three steps to being encouraging: 1) identify the positive behavior, 2) label it as good, and 3) express appreciation.

Quote: “Catch them doing right!”