The Curries

The Curries
Keith and Patricia

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Danny was about three. Patricia, being the loving mother that she is, spoke her love for him in a tender moment, “Danny, there is nobody like you.”
Danny burst into tears!
“Nobody likes me?” he cried out, completely crushed.
Patricia was appalled. It took her several minutes to clear up the misunderstanding between what she said and what a three-year-old heard.

This is why communication takes time. It involves more than what is said; it involves what is heard. It takes some feedback, conversation, listening, questioning, follow-up; and without them no one knows if communication has occurred.

First, relax. You have twenty years to communicate what is important. Secondly, be on guard, because “the power of life and death are in the tongue.”

Your child knows you better than you know your child. She studies you, watches you, listens, imitates, and comes to understand you far more quickly than you come to know and understand them. That’s why your own children can push all your buttons at the same time and get you so worked up.
We must get to know our children.
Chuck Swindoll, in his book You and Your Child, encourages parents to get to know your children. He interprets the scripture “train up a child in the way he should go” as “train him up in the way he is bent;” in other words, discover how God has made him and encourage him in that direction.

Patti Cumbest strives to know her children. This year Rachel, her older daughter, had to complete a personal inventory on group interactions. As Patti observed Rachel writing in answers, Patti realized that she knew all the answers before Rachel wrote anything down! Patti said, “All my time and effort to intentionally know my children has been worth it. I know Rachel. I am more than a chauffeur, a cook, a fashion consultant…I know who she is, and what she is about.”

Discover motivators:
1) what each child’s love language is
2) what preferences does my child have
3) tie these two things together as often as possible to communicate love

Instead of standing over our children, learn to come alongside and benefit them. This is what the Holy Spirit does for us; He comes alongside. Jesus called him the Parakletos (Greek for “one called alongside).

Barna’s research shows that 90 minutes a day should be spent in conversing, talking, sharing, listening with your children. 90 minutes coming alongside. Ten minutes here, fifteen minutes there begin to add up. Make it your rule of thumb.
90 minutes a day!