DISCIPLINE: # 1 mistake parents make

    George Barna’s research team uncovered the number one mistake that parents make. Do you want to know what it is? Inappropriate discipline. At least,that’s what their kids say when they grow up. They say their parents’ discipline was too lenient, too harsh, too inconsistent, too much, too little, too bad.

    And here’s the kicker: THAT STATISTIC DOESN’T SEEM TO BE IMPROVING. When it comes to discipline, we as parents face a lot of uncertainty. We want to know what works. We want results. We want our kids to love us and to know that we love them. And we want it by this weekend.

    Added to our uncertainty is an ever-growing list of disciplinary techniques, child psychologies, societal warnings, new magazines, Oprah, and the “Daddy Daycare” movie.

TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND LET IT OUT S-L-O-W-L-Y! 

    There is the Bible. There are the words and thoughts of God. The Bible makes numerous recommendations: instruct, direct, lead, show, rebuke, admonish, spank, encourage, correct. When appropriate. Obviously, spanking is not the only means mentioned in the Bible, so spanking is not always appropriate—but it is sometimes.

    And it is not all that simple. Having the words of the Bible does not mean that we can easily see how to apply its truth. We all need help. We can learn from those who have gone ahead of us. Patricia and I learned a lot from older couples whose children were like what we wanted ours to be like. We encourage you to ask for help, advice, and prayer.

    Following are a few Biblical principles that are clear:

    Build the context for discipline. That context is a loving relationship. LOVING YOUR KIDS WILL COVER A LOT OF MISTAKES.  If you have little or no relationship, if your kids don’t know that you love them, your discipline will be ineffective. By the way, you spell love T-I-M-E.

    IT IS RIGHT THAT PARENTS DISCIPLINE THEIR KIDS. IT IS WRONG IF WE DON'T. We are not their buddies; we are their parents. God expects us to discipline them out of our love for them. To fail to discipline them is to fail to love them. The worst kind of discipline is none at all.

    DAD AND MOM MUST AGREE. Your kids cannot serve two masters. Go to your bedroom and discuss your disagreements until you can come out on the same page, for the sake of your children. Your family will work out the specifics differently than Patricia and I did. That's okay. Your methods will not be exactly like ours. That's okay. We don't have to agree with you, but you will have to agree with each other. This is a powerful key: Dad and Mom must agree.

ONE MORE VERY IMPORTANT THING. YOU WILL HAVE TO PRAY. Accept that fact. Ask God for help, on your knees, together. More than anyone else, He knows how to do this thing we call family. That’s the real secret. For God’s glory and purpose are best passed on at home, in the family. In your family.

Training: Homework

     Years ago, we received a note from Will’s fifth grade teacher. She just wanted us to know that Will had gotten a zero on some homework because he did not turn it in. When we questioned Will about it, he admitted that he had not done the homework. I asked him, “Why not?”
    His response, “I had soccer practice.”
    Was that supposed to make sense to us? Patricia and I looked at one another and decided to have a short parent meeting in our room. After discussing the situation, we decided to do nothing . . . until the next soccer practice. Our plan was this: zero on homework = zero soccer practice. We let the coach know, but not Will.
    When it was time to go to soccer, he was ready. “No soccer today,” we said. Then we explained our zero/zero consequence. HE LISTENED REALLY WELL.  After that day, we didn’t have problems with zeroes on homework.

    Since school is just beginning for this school year, let’s look at a few thoughts that might be helpful. Patricia and I are teachers. We were both good students, and we expected our children to do well in school. Nevertheless, we did not take it for granted that they would do well. We plowed the ground and sowed the seed to reap the right kind of harvest. You can do the same.

1.    We limited video, TV, and video games to the weekends. Monday night through Thursday night were for studies. The whole household lived by this rule. The TV was off. We all worked during the week. We might play a game together or do something fun, but video was not the answer. (There were some exceptions but they were rare). By making school and studies top priorities, we gained a lot of peace in our home.  If mom and dad agree, this is a very helpful habit to build in your home.
2.    Patricia scheduled their time after school: Snack time, playtime, practice-time, study-time, dinnertime, family time, Bible time, bedtime. We were flexible, we adjusted as necessary, but we had a plan and worked it. It worked.
3.    We had a place for homework for each of the children. Since the kids were different, they studied better at different places. Some at the table where we could see them, others in their rooms, others in the living room. We found what worked best for each one and that’s what they did. When some needed help, we were near.
4.    We kept their supplies close by. This was probably our weakest point because there were six of them and we tended to share supplies in order to save money.
5.    We checked on them. We checked their work, if necessary.

    Patricia and I are not special people. We didn’t do special things. We did proven things. We did ordinary things consistently. That’s all. If you do these same kinds of things that others passed on to us, you will get similar results. If you plant apple seeds, you reap apples. If you plant acorns, you get oaks. If you uproot video and plant schedule and place and supplies and check-up, you will reap better students . . . perhaps not immediately, but eventually.
    As you begin this school year, prayerfully decide what you want over the long haul, and set your kids up for success.