INTEGRITY: A surprising discovery

As we think about integrity, we define it as “wholeness; as soundness all the way through.” When Jesus healed people, the scripture often says that “he made them whole.” As Chelsea mentioned in our LifePrep discussion, “Integrity is being the same in public and in private.” As followers of Jesus, we want our children to walk with God in a real way. For that to happen, we can’t just point the way, we must lead. We must walk with God first.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children.(Deuteronomy 6:5-7)

Deuteronomy means “second law.” This is because Moses was giving the law for the second time, this time to the second generation. The older generation had perished in the desert because they had been disobedient to the law God had given them at Mount Sinai. Now their adult children were at the border to the promised land forty years later. Moses was impressing on the adults that loving God themselves was the key to teaching their children to love God.

It just makes sense. If we don’t love God, our children won’t either. Our example makes the greatest impression.

Our words and hearts and actions are to be one. That’s integrity, soundness, wholeness.

On the other hand, integrity does not mean that we do everything right. That’s perfection and we are not perfect. Therefore, integrity would include admitting that we are not perfect. We all have flaws and weaknesses that trip us.

I remember one discipline episode with Jean-Luc, one of our sons. He would not admit his guilt. I knew he was guilty, but he was stubbornly resistant to my correction. For me, it was frustrating that he would not admit the obvious. A few days later, God’s Spirit convicted me that Jean had learned his stubbornness from me, because I had trouble admitting my own sin. The following scripture reminded me that Jean and I were both part of sinful humanity.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. (Galatians 6:1)

We were both in need of the same solution, the death of Christ on our behalf. As I recognized that he and I shared a common weakness, I was able to approach him in a way that opened his heart to admit his own guilt. The result became confession, forgiveness, cleansing, restoration.

We are examples to our children, not the standard. God’s commands are the standards that call us all, parents and children, to the high mark of Christ.

As parents, let us love God, all the while admitting our human weakness. He dwells with the lowly and broken of heart. Surprisingly, that is a key part of integrity for followers of Jesus.

SPIRIT TRAINING: The Strength of Waiting

“I just can’t wait.”

Have your kids ever said that before? As parents, our best answer to that might be, “Yes, you can.”

“They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.” (Isaiah 40:31)

“Wait on the Lord and be of good courage; and he will strengthen your heart.” (Ps. 27:14)

Strength comes when we wait. What better gift than strength can you give your children? And strength often comes wrapped in waiting. It is a gift of character. It is a facet of self-denial that allows us to follow Christ.

As people we want God to use a clock and a calendar, but God doesn’t. He uses fulfillment, maturity, ripeness, readiness, fitness, appropriateness. A major weakness of our humanity is that we want to shortcut time. We just can’t wait.

The society that we live in is a society of pushing limits. Parents take pride in the fact that their four-year-old can read, or hit a homerun in T-ball, or sing like Celine Dion. In the minds of many parents today, “early is always better.” But it may not be. Perhaps waiting is better than trying to microwave our kids.

At this time of year, we have a small opportunity to instill this strength in a son or daughter. We can insist that she wait to open a gift; and waiting builds strength of character. By itself, the wait for a gift might not be much; but as one building block added to others, it can help strengthen her character. Learning to wait is vital.

Scripture teaches us that if we are faithful in little, we will be faithful in much. As we teach our children to wait in small things, they gain strength for things that matter much more. Waiting to open a gift. Waiting until after the blessing to begin to eat. Waiting for the lifeguard at the pool. Waiting instead of buying on credit. Waiting until marriage to become sexually intimate. Waiting—and growing stronger.

Stan and Dancie have a beautiful daughter that is lively and alert. That pregnancy for them was very normal. Their second pregnancy did not go so well. The baby was born prematurely because of a rare medical condition. He did not survive his first day.

The third pregnancy was full of hope, but after fourteen weeks proved to look like a repeat of the second. The same medical condition required that Dancie stay in bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. She could not do any normal activities. She had to stay either seated or in bed. Meanwhile, doctors’ visits were full of endless pricks, pokes, tests, and needles. The prognosis was not good. The goal was to make 28 weeks. Then it became 32, then 35, and miraculously full-term. Dancie’s courage during that time was incredible. She said, “Every needle that I take is one that my child does not have to take.”

In the middle of this long process, Stan said, “Usually we pray that our pain will end quickly. But in this case, we are praying that our pain will last as long as possible, because we know that the baby is forming inside and growing stronger.” His prayers were answered.

What is God forming in us? What is he forming in our children when we teach them to wait? Waiting makes them stronger.

Wait . . . and see!