Discipline Mistake #5: Never call a practice

A Tale of Two Coaches

I played Little League Baseball four years, ages 9-12. Coach Thomas was a perfectionist. I remember him teaching us how to “hookslide” over and over in practice. Rarely, someone would get it right and he would make them freeze while he taught the rest of us. Once that year, I rounded second base heading into third and the throw was coming in toward the home plate side of the third base bag. I focused on sliding out and away from the bag just letting my toe catch the corner. The third baseman tagged the ground in front of the base, but I was beyond the tag. Safe! Coach Thomas was clapping his hands; it had worked just like he taught us. I loved the hookslide, I loved Coach Thomas, I loved baseball.

After Little League, I played Babe Ruth baseball, ages 13-15. The rules were different, the bases longer, the players better. Coach Harris was too busy to practice with us; so most of the time practice was cancelled. One season we had only two practices the whole season. When we started the games, he would call time out and tell us what to do. He might yell at us across the field. He changed our positions several times, trying to find the winning combination. He never found it. He was frustrated, we were frustrated—every game. When I finished my final year of Babe Ruth, I walked away from baseball. I had lost my love for the coach and for the sport.

Some parents are Coach Thomas parents. Coach Thomas parents take some time to think about the game of life and prepare their kids for what’s ahead.  “When you meet a bully, look him in the eye.  When you are tempted to cheat, pray for strength. When you are making decisions, seek counsel. When you are discouraged, trust God and do something for someone else.” These kids are going to face the crises and understand what to do.

Coach Harris parents are always expecting their kids just to know what to do, but the rules are changing, the stakes are higher, and the kids don’t know their positions yet. When bullies show up, they look away for help. When they are tempted to cheat, they are unclear and give in. When making decisions they procrastinate. When they are discouraged, they give up. When Coach Harris parents try to teach in the crisis, it sounds more like criticism than help. They are frustrated and their kids are, too.

Having used each of these methods at different times, we decided that the Coach Thomas method is better. We hope that you will, too. Why don’t you share a comment about how you are preparing your kids for the game of life?

Discipline mistake #4: Double standard, Double trouble

 

    “No sweets before supper!” mom says as she is finishing the icing on the cake. Then she runs her finger along the bowl and wipes out a delicious scoop of chocolate icing and, without thinking about it, pops it into her mouth.

    Or Dad comes home from work, throws his jacket over a chair, drops his case on the couch, grabs the sports section of the news, leaves the rest of the paper on the counter, plops down on his favorite throne, I mean chair, turns on the TV, kicks off his shoes, and complains about clutter.

    Of course, these areas are not nearly as serious as when we demand the truth but gossip on the phone, teach sharing but act stingy, yell at the kids about yelling at each other, or demand kindness while we act like an ogre (not Shrek).

    It is always a temptation for the person in power to use his power to excuse himself from the “rules” of the common man. It is true in politics, governments, sports, Hollywood, and on and on. Sadly, it is also true in families, because it is true in human nature.

    It was true of the Pharisees, for in Matthew 23 Jesus spoke to them this message, “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat. So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach.” And in verse 25 he said, "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.”

    So this is not a new problem; it is as old as man. And it is easy to fall into this trap without knowing it.

    The Pharisees were demanding but not leading. Jesus comes along and says, “Follow me.” This is the standard when the mature lead the immature—when parents lead children: “Follow us.” St. Paul addressed his children in the faith and said, “Follow me as I follow Christ.”

    Another name for this standard is integrity. Your words and your actions match. There is no substitute for it.

    We are often blind to the fact that we have set up a double standard. If we ask the Holy Spirit to show us these areas, He will.

    As our kids grow up, they notice. They see whether or not we are practicing what we preach. If we want our kids to hear what we say, we must say it with our words and our actions. 

    Then they will get it.