DISCIPLINE: Foolish or childish?

     As we had instructed them, Patrick and Will were not throwing the ball in the house. Literally, they were being obedient. But just barely. As a matter of fact, they were throwing a bear, a stuffed bear. As boys often do, they were tossing the bear back and forth, then hitting the bear back and forth, then getting wilder and wilder until the bear sailed too high and hit the light fixture on the ceiling. Down came the bear and the fixture, glass shattering, bringing mom and dad quickly down the hall.

     Were they being foolish (rebelling against authority) or being childish (acting in ignorance)? We considered this event childish and put in place logical consequences. The boys had to work to pay for the fixture and help dad in the repair (which, at their age then, basically meant “hand dad the tools.”) They also received front row seats in a lecture series given by mom and dad; they have attended numerous times.

    The foolish/childish distinction we learned from Gary Ezzo in Growing Kids God’s Way.  At the time, we needed that concept because we were treating everything like a heart issue. In this case the boys were not being rebellious, just being boys. They still needed consequences, but not punishment.

    Disobedience, disrespect, disregard of authority all fall in the foolish-heart category and need the rod along with a lot of explanation. “The rod and reproof bring wisdom.” Proverbs 29:15

    Ancient wisdom pointed out that we are all born fools, insisting on our own way instead of embracing God’s way. The Bible calls it sin, and it needs to be addressed because it is destructive. If we love our children, we will discipline them when sin raises its ugly head in their cute and valuable little lives. We know that sin left unchecked grows UGLY.

    At the same time, we are all born ignorant; at first we just don’t know. We have to be taught and guided along. Children will make mistakes, break things, lose things, cherish the cheap but despise the prize. That is why children need parents, so that we can instruct them in the ways of God, correct without condemning, help them fix what they break, find what they lose, and learn to value what is really worth something. In this process, we allow them to experience consequences that follow out of their acts of ignorance. When we do this, our children learn wisdom. They learn that the pain of self-discipline is a whole lot better than the pain of consequences caused by neglect and ignorance.

    We encourage you to take time to determine whether your children are being fools or whether they are just being children. If you punish them, they will need to know why. If you give them logical consequences, they will need to know why. Either way will require your input, your explanation, your instruction. Either way will require your time.
   

    Let's not raise fools or ignorance!

    Thanks for reading our thoughts. We’d love to hear yours. Feel free to make a comment.

Working with Father

SPIRIT TRAINING: Working with Father

Sweet Anna was a typical middle school student. Making her way through the hormonal minefield of 7th grade was challenging -- for Anna and for her parents. In the fall of that year, Anna won the annual school spelling bee contest. This wasn’t her first win and she knew what was involved for the next level of competition. Probably for a variety of reasons, Anna was struggling. She did not want to be involved. But, she had won, and it was the right thing to do for her to go to the competition and represent the school.

As our children have grown, we’ve encouraged them first of all to be readers. We tried to get each of them reading as early as possible, primarily so that they would be able to begin the habit of daily time with the Lord, themselves. One of my goals, and maybe the most important one is to unveil the Father, to pass to my children the kingdom of God, to enable them to establish their own knowledge of and relationship with the Lord. So, as I was encouraging Anna through this difficulty, I wanted her to know that God was concerned about every detail of life that she deals with.

“Psalm 46 is so good, Anna. It tells us that the Lord is our Refuge. Hide in Him. He is your Help. He is a very present help. He will be with you as you go through this spelling bee. You will not be alone.”

This truth from Scripture is very clear to me because I have had to rely on the Lord so many times in troubling circumstances; and I have found Him to be present, to be with me, to enable me to make it through.

I wanted Anna to know this truth foundationally in her own walk with the Lord.

When the day of the bee arrived, I had so many little ones still at home, I wasn’t able to take her. All I could do was intercede. The spelling bee started; and one by one, the students spelled and either sat down or kept going. The play by play had begun and it was getting closer and closer to Anna’s turn.

She stepped up to the microphone, her palms sweaty. She waited. The announcer spoke. “Your word,” he said, “is REFUGE.”
REFUGE? Are you kidding? Was God sending her a message? Can God speak through a spelling bee announcer?

Anna easily spelled it, but the relief she experienced was not from knowing each letter. Her relief was knowing in a very tangible way that Father Himself was concerned about her, loved her, and would see her through.
As a parent, I saw that God is working in the life of my child using me, using circumstances, using other people. Her confidence in God grew and so did mine. We are workers together with God.
Perhaps this week you might share a comment on how you and Father have worked together in the lives of your kids.