REWARDS: PART OF THE OBEDIENCE PLAN

Danny was only two, but he was learning to obey. Obedience does not come easily for some two-year-olds. But this time he succeeded and the whole family was there. Keith swept him into his arms and began marching around the living room, singing, “Let’s have a parade, for Danny obeyed.” Soon everyone was in on it. And Dan got a good taste of the joy of obedience.

Deuteronomy 28

Creation principles are principles that God has built into life.

The thoughts in Deuteronomy 28 reflect one of the basic principles:

Obedience brings blessings.

Disobedience brings trouble.

When we help our children to understand this concept, we are preparing them for life. All choices have consequences. Some are great! Some are okay. Some bring trouble.

This principle also becomes our guide as we teach, train, and discipline. Making the right choices will bring blessing. When children are young, they will make right choices [doing what you say] because they want the blessing of your approval. Ultimately, we want to move them to the place that they will be making right choices out of their love for God.

How do we teach obedience?

Isaiah 28:9 “…For it is: Do and do, do and do; rule on rule, rule on rule; a little here, a little there.”

First of all, it is an over and over again process. It is a process requiring patience and practice. In non-crisis times, children need to know what pleases the Father [obedience—demonstrated by the life of Jesus]. Most children want to please. Learning obedience to parents will ultimately lead to obedience to the Lord.

In God’s mercy, He teaches us the truth of obedience that we may choose life.

Psalm 25:8 “Good and upright is the Lord; therefore, He instructs sinners (us) in the way.”

Understanding the Lord’s kindness to us helps us to instruct in gentleness…we are aware of our own weaknesses.

What are some blessings that fit into the “flow of life”?

· Reward their obedience with lots of joy and affection. Father is pleased when we do what is right? Have you ever felt his pleasure?

· Reward your children by spending time with them.

· Reward them with positive, encouraging, affirming words.

· Reward them with gifts.

· Do some special things for them.

This week take some time to write down some specific things you can do to bless your children in each of the above areas. Fifteen minutes will make a huge difference and help fill your toolbox with some motivational helps.

Punish with the big picture in mind (Tip #8 out of 8)

Have you ever said, “Because I said so, that’s why!”?

If you have, stop saying it.

Who do you think you are?

Pat Williams tells the story of the Alpha male in the airport who simply loses it when his flight is delayed. He throws an “adult” tantrum, berates the airline, raises his voice, and finally screams at the attendant behind the boarding counter, “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” The attendant calmly reaches for the microphone and makes this announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a man here who does not know who he is. Would someone please come and identify him?”

My point is this: Too often we punish because we have been inconvenienced or our wishes have been infringed upon. We are upset because we have made ourselves “god” and our little universe is not obeying our commands.

Let’s identify who we are. We are made in God’s image; we represent the Father to our children (who are also made in his image).

Our goal as his imperfect representatives is to lead our children to the One who is perfect, who is always faithful, who always keeps his word, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. “Because I said so” is just not good enough. Our “say so’s” are too small.

Let’s try saying: “It’s not right.” “That doesn’t reflect who we really are.” “Our family doesn’t do those things.” “That doesn’t please the Father.” You don’t have to be preachy about it, but we do have to keep in mind that the buck stops with Jesus, not us. This is the big picture: My kids belong to God, not to me.

How will this look in real life?

Correct quickly. Punishment is mid-course correction for God’s purposes, not mine. We all need it. Children especially need it and they need it sooner rather than later. (Ecclesiastes 8:11 When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, the hearts of the people are filled with schemes to do wrong.) Correct quickly.

You are the main interpreter of life for your child.

Don’t separate your child from yourself; he needs your interpretation of what he did wrong. If you use “Time out,” do it nearby, not in his room. Proverbs 29:15 says, “A child left to himself is a shame to his mother.” Punish, then explain. Your action gets his attention so that he will hear your words. Your goal (Heb. 12:11) is the peaceful fruit of righteousness. When you explain, you train.

Time out rule of thumb: One minute per year of age. Four years old=four minutes of time out.

We’ll continue next week with more on tip #8.