SPIRIT TRAINING: “Here a little, there a little”

When Anna and Patrick were small, three and four, Patricia and I decided that we would say a scripture before each meal. Our goal was to begin to memorize scriptures together as a family. If we had begun with something short like “God is love” we might have had success right away. But not us, oh no, we had to start with the 23^rd Psalm. We said it. They watched. We continued to say it at each meal. We encouraged them to say it with us. They stared at us like two little owlets. But no words came out of their mouths.

After the third week, we became discouraged and wondered if the effort was worth it. Then one day, Anna and Patrick were playing at her little table in her bedroom. Before eating their make-believe meal, they began to quote the 23^rd Psalm, each one supplying what the other did not remember. Patricia overheard them and called me to listen. I arrived just as they were finishing.

At that moment we agreed to keep this up and build this into our family mealtime: say a scripture, then the blessing. It was an easy way to add God’s word into our schedule, an easy way to acknowledge that we belong to Him.

“Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deut. 6:7

A good rule of thumb for interpreting scripture is that we take scriptures that are clear in order to explain those that are not so clear. Deut. 6:7 is a clear scripture on teaching children, on impressing God’s truth on them. Intentionally talk about God’s ways throughout the day. After all, God is with us throughout the day, in our goings and comings. Let’s acknowledge him at all times.

Isaiah 28: 9-10 asks this question, “Are you trying to teach us like we are children. . . here a little, there a little?” This question repeats the theme: Teach children along the way, little by little. Truly, we all learn better in small bites than in large doses. As we learn, it is constantly reinforced and stays with us longer.

This is a life-with-God approach, simply recognizing that He is Emanuel, God with us. Jesus came to save us from our sins and also to give us His Spirit who would dwell in us, leading us and enabling us. A day that includes God might be like this:

Wake them with a song

Read a short scripture at breakfast

Pray the blessing

Listen to a song on the way to school

After school, discuss the day (pray about any difficulties)

Say the memory scripture at supper as a family

Pray over the meal

A bedtime story (or read Proverbs)

Prayer

Maybe a soft song as they go to sleep

These little reminders throughout the day provoke questions and discussions that allow you to sow truth into your little ones. The challenge is to adapt the idea for your family and your children based on their ages and activities.

Pray about it, look at your routines, include the Lord here a little, there a little. He helps all of us raise our children. He is with us in the thick of things if we ask.

He awaits the open door.

INTEGRITY: Mom and Dad must be one

“People who commit to relationships are much happier than those who don’t. That’s why married people are happier than those who just live together. When people commit to something that’s expensive or difficult to get out of, they report feeling happier. My girlfriend and I had been living together for a dozen years, and those findings seemed so clear to me that I went home and proposed. Now we’re married and I do love my wife more than I loved my girlfriend, even though she’s the same person. Commitment isn’t just a sign of love; it’s a cause of love.” (Daniel Gilbert, Stumbling on Happiness)

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness. . . So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Gen. 1:26-27)

Male and female in His image: separate but one. God is Father, Son, Spirit: Three Persons yet One God. Man and wife are male and female: two persons yet one flesh. God created man and woman together to reflect him. Why? Look at Malachi 2:15.

15 Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

God made the man and woman “one” for this purpose: He wants godly children. So guard your relationship with your wife. When we were first married, I was quite insensitive to Patricia’s feelings and thoughts. Without meaning to, I would often hurt her feelings. I wanted to say, “Get over it; it’s not that big a deal.” That just wasn’t true. Unresolved offenses are a big deal.

It would be like having a new puppy that is not yet housebroken. He messes, you clean up right away. Now instead of cleaning up, what if we treated the puppy poop like we do our relationships: “Leave it alone; it will be okay. Just step over it.” Or what if we just took a bowl and covered it up? We would live our lives stepping over or around mess, all the time. Not a good plan!

Yet that is exactly what we often do with relationships. Instead of cleaning up our relational messes immediately, we allow them to linger and hope the problems go away by themselves. They don’t; and after years of this avoidance, many marriages are just one big complicated, stinking mess—almost impossible to clean up. Impossible to step around.

Adding to this, imagine the effect this has on children. And with these young impressionable little people in our home, they learn to repeat our patterns, carrying our baggage into the next generation.

Through the encouragement of others, Patricia and I learned to ask this daily question, “Are we clear?” If either of us had an issue to discuss, we would take the time to clear it up. This meant asking for forgiveness. Saying “I’m sorry,” was not good enough; but “Will you forgive me for ________?” It is not always easy to ask for forgiveness; and sometimes it is difficult to forgive. Simply put, Jesus helped us.

Going the next step, we agreed to present unity to our kids even if we did not feel unified. Often we would “conference” in our bedroom trying to reach the same mind on an issue. We had determined that God’s word would be our final word. We made mistakes in judgment, failed to act as one, yet kept trying. Establishing Biblical patterns of relating to one another changed us, and today we see fruit of it in our children. We have grown in our confidence that God’s truth is for daily life, for real relationships, for real marriages, for real parents.

For us and for you.