DISCIPLINE: Direct your children (#2 out of 8 great tips)

Going to Baskin-Robbins should be fun, right? Why was this so frustrating? Patricia and I strolled into the ice cream store with visions of being caring, giving, joyful parents with two grateful, polite, and happy kids who would end up with ice cream all over their happy little faces. They would look up at us and say, “You are wonderful parents.” And of course, they would be right. . .but things were not going according to plan. Unfortunately, the kids had not read my script.

We got into the store where we faced 31 delicious flavors, each of them calling out to our little ones, “Choose me, choose me!” Of course, we didn’t hear that because we have adult ears. We said to our little ones, “What would you like?”

Whatever gave us the idea that a six-year-old and a four-year old could suddenly be confronted with this host of tempting flavors and simply make a decision to choose one? In short, we were nuts! They simply could not decide. They went into overload, like a computer trying to handle too much information too quickly, everything started to slow down. They just could not decide and be happy with their decisions. So. . . we stepped in.

We narrowed the choices down to three. Then they could focus and choose. We trimmed the options down so that they could handle it. This is one way that parents direct children: NARROW THE OPTIONS! How little we realize that we create problems by giving children too many choices too soon. The time will come soon enough that they will have more choices than we can control. As they grow we widen the options as they are ready.

For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just . . . (Gen. 18:19 )

God chose Abram in order for him to direct his children. In the beginning when they are young, we don’t negotiate; we don’t say, “OK?” after each instruction. We give direction; we are the parents. We give direction; we are the parents. We give direction; we are the parents. We give. . .

Gathered tips on giving directions: O’Shea and Windell, in their book Fatherstyle Advantage, say, “Make sure it is absolutely clear what is a command and what is a request. If you don’t mean it as a request (which has an option attached to it), then don’t state it that way."

Quote for the week: "Kids today are exposed to more stories that are more powerfully presented than at any time in history. Some are good. Too many are not. We as parents, must choose our children’s media stories carefully. Why? Because whoever tells the stories defines the culture." David Walsh, NO

Question for next week: Share a routine that makes life easier for your family.

Discipline: The stern look

It was Sunday night in church. As usual a knot of youth were sitting together about half way back on the left. Six rows up, on the second pew sat out pastor’s little wife. She was the model pastor’s wife, sweet, business like, serious yet caring. While her husband was preaching, somebody made a noise that attracted her notice. She turned and looked at all of us. Her eyes were like a searchlight, her brow knit, her lips tight; the effect almost magical. That little group of youth were transformed into intense listeners for the rest of that meeting and she did it with a look. My junior English teacher had the look, my dad had the look.

Proverbs 20:8 makes this statement:

When a king sits on his throne to judge, he winnows out all evil with his eyes.

A person of authority has a certain ability to deal with wrongdoing with his eyes. Sometimes this is more effective than words because we open our mouths and show that we do not really know what is going on. As a young teacher in my first classroom, I came in from the hallway to find everyone in their seats preparing for class except for two boys. The bell had not rung and I had no real suspicions that they were doing anything wrong. I was curious; so I just looked at them. One of them saw me, said something to his friend and they went sheepishly seats. Whatever they were doing, their own consciences were provoked by my gaze.

Here’s the goal: develop a stern look. If you don’t know how, do this. Stand in front of a mirror, grit your teeth and press your lips together, narrow your eyebrows, and stare for five seconds. Practice this look of disapproval a few times and then at the right moment this week, try it on your kids. We would love to hear how it works for you.

Question for next week: What makes your discipline successful?